Explaining My Art: Call Me Delusional

Call Me Delusional, 12x12” acrylic on canvas.

This piece was a big part in processing what my life had been during the COVID lock down, and a huge step in finding an art style that made me happy. I’ve sold prints of it for over a year now, but I've never shown the first draft. It was originally much more direct … including the name of the person it's referencing (which has been photo shopped out for this blog). I liked the first version, but it was too personal to sell or post and I felt like the concept was underdeveloped, like it might as well just be a bad still life. 

First Draft

It was just my phone, it sent no message better than the scribbled fake text on the screen. I needed the painting to convey the reality, or my perception of reality at the time. The confusion, the time it takes to understand and shake the delusions you create by lying to yourself. I didn't want the message to be immediately recognizable. Adding the binary code asks for time and care from the viewer to dig into the meaning of the painting. It expresses the effort required to fight delusions, acknowledge reality, and do what's actually best for your well being, even if it is against what you desperately want. The Binary also trails off, leaving the message incomplete.

 Though this was mainly a spacing issue, (you try writing a set of eight ones and zeros for every character of a sentence in a two inch by three inch space and let me know if you can fit all ten words) if the numbers were any smaller they would have been illegible, I felt it added more depth. With the message left unfinished, takes away the satisfaction of decoding it. When you finally finish wrestling with delusional thoughts, and accept reality, you get that satisfaction only for a moment. You can see the path clearly, but you realize how long it is, or maybe that you've been walking in the wrong direction. 

However the full message was written on the back of the canvas in sharpie, so whoever bought it didn't have to do all that work. I intended to share the full message here, but I don't remember exactly what it said. I can't find where I originally wrote it and the physical painting is long gone, so It will remain a mystery. I guess that preserves the intended frustration in it. 

Fist market table, November 2021

Call Me Delusional was also one of the first paintings I ever sold, at my very first art market. It feels like one of the more significant art pieces of my career so far, and I wanted to show it some love, and If you love it as much as I do, you can get prints in my shop!